Be Still
Sisters, today I will be sharing a poem from John Roedel. I know that’s a bit of a surprise, but I’d like to share what led me here.
I lay each and every blog post I write before the Lord. Every title, thought, every scripture is set before Him. Then I wait on Him to guide me and, anyone who knows God knows, sometimes the lesson is in the wait. That certainly was the case for today!
Recently someone asked me what my creative process was. Hmm...honestly not something I thought I’d be asked, as I never saw myself as creative or even a writer. As I’ve shared, Chosen Fearless Enough is a “God thing.” This writing thing is a dream deferred, something God stirred in me, something I never imagined I’d be doing, and something I will likely never feel equipped for. As I’ve shared, this journey, this movement is about God, not me. My constant prayer is that the Author of our souls will write and choose to use me as His humble instrument, for His glory. So, with that, I never really thought about it, but I guess I do have a creative process.
So let’s start with some real talk. Like many of you I fight to spend time with God. Daily I fight against my own self, my own sin to spend time with God. If I put myself first, my schedule, my life, my family, my friends, my job, even my church before God there is no room for Him. I know you’re thinking I’d never do that, but don’t we all do it by letting other things take priority over our time with God — allowing other things to take priority over our personal relationship with Him?
So for me, on days when I’m tempted to just jump out of bed and go about my day, I have to be intentional. My priority is to start my day with God. Sometimes it’s 10 minutes, sometimes it’s hours. But whatever it is, when he stirs me to rise (which is usually about 4 am), I am determined to spend the first moments of my day with Him. Sometimes it’s a quick prayer, sometimes it’s hours of reverent devotion, prayer, scripture reading. Sometimes it’s just a conversation with my Daddy. Whatever that looks like, in truth, there are days it comes naturally and others where I need to be very intentional about seeking time with God before anything else.
So with that, that’s how my creative process begins. Sometimes right after my time with God, creativity flows, but sometimes nothing. For the past several years I’ve been keeping a prayer journal that quickly turned into a place where I’d capture thoughts, scriptures, words from God. It never comes as a complete picture. It may be a word, phrase, a scripture (or just part of one), an excerpt from a devo I am reading, or a takeaway from a sermon I watched that resonates in my soul. Then I just leave it sit. The next day as I spend time with God, I lay it before Him. Sometimes He uses yesterday’s nuggets, then sometimes He brings ones back from days of old. Then I pray, asking Him to guide me as I attempt to begin to build from there.
At times things flow, other times I just can’t seem to get things started. Now, let me be clear, I don’t have a direct line to God where he speaks in loud booming sentences just to me. At times I just can’t hear His voice. And I’ve learned that’s okay too, because I just keep seeking and asking until I do. Well today’s blog post is no different. As I kept praying and asking God “what’s next,” nothing I started to write or tried to finish would flow. “Lord, if there is something specific YOU want ME to share with your daughters today, I need you to speak, Lord I need it to flow.” Still nothing. So I put my pen down.
Finally I shifted my prayer and said, “God what is it you want to share?” (taking the me out of it). Then this poem came to mind not once, not twice, but three times. So I thought, “WOW this must be a word someone needs to hear.” And while it doesn’t necessarily fit the parameters I set for this blog, I yield to God and allow HIM to lead — and once again agree to follow wherever He calls me or sends me. I ask Him to forgive me again for asking Him to fit into a set of rules I’ve created or a book of expectations I’ve written for myself, and for Him daily to be at the helm of my life, giving myself back over to Him in all things, allowing God to lead me (and this movement).
I prayed that God would help me to stay open, silent, willing and humble enough to hear His voice over my own! So in my seeking, in my yielding, God not only led me to this poem by John Roedel to share, He gave me another chance to refocus and re-align myself with His will for my life! And maybe, just maybe, this poem was actually a word sent for me to hear! Reminding me to be still, that even in His silence God speaks!
Be still... you are not alone.
Me: Hey God.
God:
Me: Hey God?
God:
Me: Hey God?!
God:
Me: Hey God??!!!
God:
Me: Where are You?????!!
God: I'm here.
Me: Where have You been?! I've been trying to talk to You for days!
God: I know.
Me: You know?!
God: Yep. You've had quite a bit to say.
Me: That's outrageous! I've gone through two notebooks! You've just sat there and let me yammer on without saying anything back to me?!
God: Pretty much.
Me: Why??!!!
God: Because you never leave any space in our conversations for Me to respond to you.
Me: Oh.
God: Try being quiet for a while and listening for My voice.
Me: I'll try - but silence makes me uncomfortable.
God: It's not the silence that makes you uncomfortable. It's what I'm trying to tell you that causes you to feel that way.
Me: What are you trying to tell me?
God: A bunch of things.
Me: Like?
God: I want to tell you that you are a gift to this world. That you are good. That you are loved. That I’m proud of you. That I forgive you. That I made you to be more than you have settled for. That I need you to love other people more freely — to quit withholding your compassion and care for those who you feel deserve it — Everybody deserves your empathy. I want to tell you that it's time to rise up and build the life you deserve. I want to tell you that life is short and you have to quit wasting it on surrendering to fear and regret. I want you to know that you are going to face more suffering in the future — but to not fret, because I'm going to be right next to you through it all. I want you to know that you are worthy of love and that the only power despair has over you is what you have freely given to it.
Me: Ugh. You're right. All of that does make me feel uncomfortable.
God: I know. That is why you keep talking over My voice. You aren't afraid of the silence — you're afraid of what it is I need to tell you.
Me: What should I do?
God: Find a quiet place and close your mouth for a little bit so we can work on opening up your heart.
Me:
God: Sound good?
Me:
God: Nice. This is going to take a while. First of all, you are loved. You are loved beyond measure. I am here. I have so many things to tell...’
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